


(Fucking around) Is in the Job Description

by Ana23



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Iron Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Incredible Hulk - All Media Types, Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers Movie Night, Eventual Fluff, Everyone Is Poly Because Avengers, F/F, M/M, Phil Coulson Has the Patience of a Saint, Porn With Plot, Porn stars au, kind of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-04
Updated: 2013-11-03
Packaged: 2017-12-31 11:07:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1030978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ana23/pseuds/Ana23
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil Coulson, manager of the most popular (and annoying) group of porn stars in the world, doesn't know how to control them, apparently.</p><p> </p><p>“Oh, so you’re funny porn stars now?” he said with anger. After giving up his dream of becoming a police officer or a detective, Phil became a manager. He was lucky enough to find six talented people with no sense of shame. They were the reason of Phil’s accommodated life and his stress. “Maybe you should try your hand at stand up! See how much you’ll get paid an hour doing that!”</p>
            </blockquote>





	(Fucking around) Is in the Job Description

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Gif set](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/30210) by Hello Bee Bee Gees. 



> This is my first work, so be patient with me and if you have ant suggestions, be my guests... or something. It wasn't even my idea, but from a set of gifs I found on Tumblr soooo..... dunno what else to say....

“Ok people! Time to stop fucking around and get to work!” Phil Coulson said in what he thought was an authority, but sounded more like a desperate request. His six most successful (an only) employees stared at him with amusement and started messing with him.

“Isn’t it… in our job description to fuck around though?” Bruce Banner looked up from his book to give him a sarcastic smirk. He was on the couch reading, as usual, without his pants. Coulson was about to ask about them, when a blond muscular man emerged from the bathroom.

“Last time I checked” Thor Odinson answered Bruce’s question while putting on an old shirt. Phil glance him with exasperation.

“Oh, so you’re funny porn stars now?” he said with anger. After giving up his dream of becoming a police officer or a detective, Phil became a manager. He was lucky enough to find six talented people with no sense of shame. They were the reason of Phil’s accommodated life and his stress. “Maybe you should try your hand at stand up! See how much you’ll get paid an hour doing that!”

“Wow, did daddy miss his nap time today?” Tony Stark, also without pants, licked his lips in a teasing way. He was standing next to the bed, where he was before Phil came in.

“Maybe Phil should do the next scene, might loosen him up a little.” Clint Barton smoke from his cigarette and waved his eyebrows in a sexy move.

“You’re kidding, right?” Steve Rogers, who was sitting in between Clint and Bruce, said in disbelief. He was playing a beautiful lullaby in his guitar and, Phil took notice, he was completely naked.

“Well orgasms are supposed to be relaxing.” Natasha Romanov, the only girl in the group, poured more wine in her glass and sit on the edge of the bed. “I think I read that somewhere.” She was, also, the only one fully dressed.

“Alright: enough!” Phil shouted like an angry parent. “Get your stuff and let’s get going!” He turned his back and walked to the door, after babble to himself: “Christ, it’s like working with animals.” He stumbled out of the room and, at the exact moment he closed the doors, he heard laugh. The bastards where laughing at him! Phil couldn’t stop himself from laughing too. He was happy they were happy. When he had found them, they were miserable and broken people. They had problems, serious problems.

Bruce Banner had been an abused child. His father was an alcoholic, who ended up killing his mother. After that, Bruce ran away. He was a smart child so he passed unnoticed for several years until Betty. She was the daughter of a famous general: Thaddeus E. “Thunderbolt” Ross. She helped Bruce and they fell in love. Bruce was happy. Then Betty died and everything went to hell. Bruce blamed himself and so did Ross.  Phil found him lying in an alley with a bullet through his chest.

Thor Odinson was the elder son of a royal family. He was raised as a king, but never fulfilling his father’s expectations. He left the castle one day, due to a family fight, and when he returned his entire family had died. Loki, his adopted brother, was the only survivor. He had gone mad and turned against Thor, who had no other choice but run away. Phil found him in a fight, nose bleeding and several broken ribs. Coulson noticed that he was starving and homeless.

Tony Stark, son of THE Howard Stark (the president of Stark Industries), was a genius. He first built a robot when he was five. It was a functional robot and shit… he named him Dummy. His mother had died when he was young and his father became an absent parent. Tony learned everything by himself and, when Howard died in a plane crash, was ready to take full responsibility on SI. But then Obadiah Stane happened. He took over SI and ruined it from night to dawn, leaving Tony alone and poor. Phil found him shaking behind a dinner; he was holding a gun and Stane’s corpse next to him.

Clint Barton was the first he found. Barton was an orphan and had a brother named Barney. They joined the circus when they skipped the orphanage. Clint spent his worst years there. He was abused in every possible way, but he also learned to use the bow. His eyesight perfected in that time. When Barney stole money and disappeared, Clint was beaten up and left to die. He was fifteen when Phil picked him up from the rails’ left side.

Steve Rogers was born in a lovely family. He was skinny and short. His father had joined the army and his best friend Bucky did as well. He lost them both. He joined the army, he worked out and became the hot man he is today, but he caught someone’s attention. Johann Schmidt became his enemy when both got in the same unit. Johann backstabbed the unit after Rogers was named Captain. Johann killed Peggy Carter and throw Steve to a frozen river. He was found and took to a hospital, nearly dead. Clint had broken his leg at the time, so Phil was in the hospital when Steve came in. He knew Steve was perfect for the job.

Natasha was the second he found. He was in Russia with Clint at the time, thanks to Nick Fury (Coulson’s boss). She tried to steal from them, but Clint was fast enough to catch her. Phil took her with them, fed her, dressed her and gave her a roof to sleep. She didn’t spoke for the first six months. Her first words where: “What do I have to do? Kill someone?” She was the daughter of a mob boss. She has never told his name, but no one has pressured her. After a few years, Clint helped her to loosen up and they became a team.

They were his family, unfortunately. He waited for twenty minutes, then the door opened and his actors came out. Bruce still wearing only a T-shirt Steve naked, Clint in his underwear, Thor wearing drapes, Tony only boots and Natasha in her lingerie. 

“WE’RE NOT GOING OUT LIKE THAT!” yelled Phil, almost catatonic.

“Why not? I’m pretty sure half of the city has already seen us naked. And having sex. With each other” Natasha pointed out and raised her eyebrow.

“Nat is right. There’s a reason why are we rich. We have nothing to hide.” Barton supported his best friend with a smile. Phil knew they’re right. He himself have seen them having sex with each other. Nat and Clint; Bruce and Clint; Tony, Thor and Bruce; Tony and Steve; Steve, Tony and Clint; Thor and Nat; and the list keep going and going….

“They’re children outside…” Phil’s crew exchanged glares and return to the apartment, Phil followed them. Natasha looked at him and denied; she locked the door.

Phil stood there in shock. A loud moan reached his ears and he knew what was happening. The moan was followed by other sounds. “YOU GOT TO BE SHITTING ME! GET OUT OF THERE, NOW!!!”

“NO!” answered six voices with aroused tone.

Phil sighed.

* * *

 

Inside the room, Phil’s crew was moaning. Just for teasing. They were changed into socially accepted clothes and ready to go. There was only a problem, they didn’t want to. It was Thursday, or Thorsday, their day off. They usually gather in Stark’s room to watch movies and relaxed. That day, Captain America was the choice. It was Steve last movie; he played a Soldier named Chris Evans. He had sex with his wife (porn without plot, usually called) Scarlet, played by Natasha, and then left to war. There he met Robert, played by Tony, and more porn without plot; including a threesome with Tasha.

Clint and Bruce were spread in the bed moaning at each other. Clint was in his favorite black pants and purple shirt outfit. Banner was a more formal man: in his khaki pants and yellow shirt.

Natasha was leaning on the wall next to Bruce. She was crying and occasionally yelling: “Oh my god! Yes! More, more!” and stuff like that. She was winning a bet with herself: How many moans ‘til Bruce and Clint start eating their faces? Natasha had bet ten, and her small Russian part had bet for pyatnadtsat' or fifteen. They both lose, only took them nine. Clint had moan with his eyes close and mouth wide open, Bruce could only stuck his tongue in Clint’s throat.  Nat had put on her black dress. Her breasts about to pop out and her long legs were naked. She only wears that dress to intimidate or seduce, Nat was fully aware of why Phil had interrupted their day off. She always knew before anyone else.

Thor was staring at the window growling in a sexual way. He now was wearing simple jeans and a dark blue t-shirt. Natasha has caught him lost in the memories before. He rarely talked about it, but he was laughing more often. And his nightmares about Loki were scarce. Steve, old fashioned clothes as usual, was jumping in the coach. He was carrying Tony (in his favorite Black Sabbath t-shirt) and using his sexy laugh.

“I now you’re acting! I can recognize your moans by now!” Phil voiced called from the hall. Bruce and Clint separated their tongues, Natasha stopped in the middle of a “Harder!” Steve and Tony fell from the coach and Thor glared at the door.

“Jeez, you’re just no fun Phil” Tony complained and unlocked the door. Phil stood in the doorway with a tired smile on his face.

“Are you done?”

* * *

 

Twenty minutes and a stop for food at a Shawarma place later…

* * *

 

SHIELD main office was bigger than any of them remembered. Phil’s crew was barely here, they were use to have sex in the shooting locations and Phil dealt with SHIELD. They were met by a dark haired woman.

“Director Fury is waiting for you, Coulson. He’s in his office.” Maria Hill death glare passed Phil and settled in Phil’s crew. “You may follow me” The crew stared at Phil with expectation and he nodded. They followed Hill and Phil headed to the other side. She guided them into a boardroom. “Fury will be meeting you as soon as he finishes with Coulson” she smiled falsely and left.

“That was creepy, am I right?” Tony asked.

“It more weird than creepy, but… yeah” Clint agreed. Tony smirked at him.

“So do you think Fury finally accepted my offer and is up to an orgy?” Everyone stared at the genius. “Come on, guys. That will be pretty hot. No? Just me?”

“You’re a pig, Stark” Tasha said with her raised eyebrow.

“You weren’t saying that last night” Tony giggled and pretended to be embarrassed.

“Tony” Steve said in that bossy voice of him, the same one that happens to turn Tony on.

“What, Cap? You’re jealous? You could have joined, you know?”

“Gross. I know we are porn stars, but the…thing you have is ‘till weird” Clint interrupted.

“Like if you’re not fucking Natasha, Barton!” Tony snapped.

“What! Are you serious, Stark! I’m not fucking Barton!” Natasha snapped back at Tony.

“I think we’re missing the point here” Steve the voice of reason stepped in.

“Indeed we are, Rogers” Thor talked for the first time. “We have not found the culprit of the crime inflicted to my pop tarts, yet.” Everybody stared at the blond man.

“Thor we weren’t talking about that… but it was me” Bruce declared, the eyes of Phil’s crew stared at him in disbelief. “It was late at night, and I was hungry. So I took a pop tart and next thing I know is that the box is empty.” Phil’s crew started laughing, including Natasha, and kept going until Fury and Phil arrived.

“Shut up motherfuckers! I did not bring you here so you can party…”

“So this is about the orgy?” The man gave Tony the eye-patch-glare-of-dead and continued talking.

“I brought you here so you can meet the new girls on your ‘Phil’s crew’.” A ginger and a brunette walked in. They were incredible beautiful. The brunette caught Thor’s attention and the ginger caught Natasha’s.

 “I’m Jane. Foster” The brunette introduced.

“I’m Virginia Potts, but you can call me Pepper”. The ginger’s voice was sweet and calm.

“Welcome” Steve said. “I’m Rogers. Steve Rogers”

“I’m Bond. James Bond” Tony said with conviction.

“He’s Tony Stark, I’m Clint. I have to say, you’re hot.” Barton punched Tony and gave the rookies a smile; on his side Bruce closed his hands with anger.

“You’re not bad yourself” Pepper responded and gave him a wink.

“I’m Bruce Banner, it’s a pleasure.” His body was lightly tense, but his voice was sleepy.

When Thor’s turn arrived, he stumbled with his words and talked very loud. Natasha, on the other hand, was as cool as always.

“We have them here for your new movie.” Phil said in that steady voice he usually uses with Fury. “It’s about a group of people who have sex… the usual. You’ll get all the information you’ll need in a while”.


End file.
